What is the best way to stop a coworker from touching me all the time?
I mean, he's a nice guy, and for the most part, I like him. It's just, he touches all the time. I'm not trying to get the guy in trouble or anything, and it's not just me, he touches everyone. Some people around here don't mind, and that makes it more difficult to discuss. His intentions are good/clean. Any recommendations on 'the talk' that I can have with him? How should I frame this, so he knows I'm serious, but also so it's not TOO big of a deal?
Dudes touch eachother sometimes. But sometimes it gets out of hand. Don't bring it up with the boss, that's just mean. Next time he goes in for a hug or a foot massage or whatever the heck he does, say jokingly:
"Hey, Feely McTouch-ington, how was your weekend?"
He will immediately understand what you mean. No one wants to be the "touchy guy" in the office. And if you stress the fact that you care how his weekend actually was, he will not be offended. If you do it correctly, you're problems are as good as solved.
19 Answers
If it is a problem with a lot of people in the office, then you need to bring it up with your manager. Your manager does not want the behind-the-back complaining to go overboard on a situation like this.
Let your manager know that you have no problems with this fellow, but his touching is making some member's on your team (including yourself) uncomfortable.
You have to be upfront and honest. I am one of those touchy-feely people as well and one day a friend of a friend told me "look, stop it, you're bugging me". I was a little taken aback as I didn't realize I was doing anything wrong until somebody pointed it out to me. It ended there and was never a problem after that. But you have to be upfront about the issue you have. Don't worry about who else it happens with or doesn't happen with. People have to stand up for themselves.
it seems you want to get him to stop but not draw too much attention to it. Next time he touches you, I would grimace in pain and say "sorry, I'm a bit tender from the boxing lessons I've started taking to stay fit" Keep doing that every week, until you condition him to associate touching you with a grimace of pain and hopefully he'll stop.
Just tell him to stop. Situations like these are only awkward if you allow them to be.
Regardless of what you say, this guy could come away offended or irate. For that reason, you have to just tell it like it is, but preferably it should be done in private, without other coworkers present. Another option is to bring this up to other coworkers and see if they share a similar sentiment towards this guy's tendency to touch people. If they do, then speaking up in front of other won't be a big deal, because that person will get the message that this stuff doesn't only bother you, but it unnerves everyone else, too.
I had this same problem. Just say casually "hey man you need to stop with the touching stuff" and brush him off.
well you have a few choices:
1) approach him yourself and be very upfront and straight forward. you're both dudes so you speak the same language. it's cool.
2) have someone else you know approach him, a friend, a girl friend, one of the girl scouts that try to sell you cookies, anybody. Have them be straightforward and up front about it.
3) talk to a manager, who should approach the entire department about the subject of "touching in the workplace" or some other B.S. "sensitivity in the workplace" topic as to not single anybody out or hurt anybody's sensitive feelings. the problem with this is that there's no guarantee the guy will get the big picture not to mention sitting through the stupid meeting.
I would go with choice #1 on the sole fact that the more people that are involved the level of social complexity increases exponentially.