Stuck in a funk. What's a great, reasonable way to build the ol' confidence back up?

Asked by Andrew Sipe at 7:06 PM on May 7, 2009

Best Answer So Far

Posted by Andy Martin at 9:01 AM on May 8, 2009

Set a physical goal and achieve it. Whether it's to run a 10K or do hundredpushups.com it doesn't matter. Nothing will boost your confidence like a physical accomplishment. Plus, exercise helps reduce the effects of stress and will give your brain a boost of the feel-good seratonin.

And trust me, Phil is right. Going out on a sexual conquest will not help. You're better off spending time with good friends and just having fun.

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9 Answers

Calsbo | May 7, 2009 8:32 PM

Sex.

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Will | May 7, 2009 8:54 PM

slump buster... definitely... especially if you have a girl that has clearly shown interest in you... even if you haven't been interested, do it... It'll make ya feel like a porn star

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Mike Delp | May 7, 2009 10:34 PM

Harry Crews once said that the best way to clear your head was to go out and get your ass kicked. Me?
I go fishing all summer, every day, and drink lots of martinis. Works wonders.

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Phil | May 7, 2009 11:34 PM

The Fight Club approach really does work. If you can find someone, fight. Win/lose, it doesn't matter. The adrenaline, physical stress, exhausting exercise, and associated endorphins can do wonders.

Take that idea or not, I'd advise against random sex, as that could cause-
1. Bad sexual experiences that will make you feel worse
2. Annoying post-act interactions with people
3. Or in the worst case, STDs. The clap will not make you feel better about yourself

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Andy Martin | May 8, 2009 9:01 AM

And trust me, Phil is right. Going out on a sexual conquest will not help. You're better off spending time with good friends and just having fun.

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4 people voted for this

romonster | May 8, 2009 12:34 PM

sleep with a stripper...

but make sure you don't spend any money on her...

cause if you do then that'll just make you feel worse cause you paid for sex.

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Chris Herrin | May 8, 2009 1:05 PM

Women are attracted to men who exude confidence, we all know that. A "slump buster" wont boost your confidence, it will just get the word out that you bag uggos.I would say the most important part of feelin good is looking good....start feeling good, it will show. All the loose chicks on the world cant make you feel like that. I say get some new clothes, new cleaning products, maybe clean your place up, get a haircut.... you get the picture.

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Michael Sterling | May 11, 2009 9:29 PM

Exercise. While exercising regularly is best (both in terms of physical and mental well-being), the cognitive and mood-enhancing benefits of aerobic activity are noticeable after your first run (or whatever).

Dr. John Ratey has written a great deal on the cognitive benefits of exercise. Here is an excerpt from an article about his research:

"When you exercise, your brain gets more oxygen, but even more importantly, it causes your body to produce valuable chemicals and hormones that impact energy, mood and health. In a recent study done on athletes, Harvard psychiatrist John Ratey found that dopamine, serotonin, norepinephrine - those wonderful happiness chemicals - were all elevated after exercise. In fact, dozens of studies indicate that exercise is often as effective for reducing depression as the typical medications prescribed.

Exercise can also help relieve and prevent anxiety, creating a calming effect that lasts for about four hours after exercising. Try getting in a fight right after a rigorous workout. It's not likely to happen! Exercise also increases endorphins, the "bliss" neuro-chemicals responsible for that wonderful "exercise high" by about 500 percent."

(Full Article: http://bit.ly/iWYSF)

I'd recommend reading his book, Spark.

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David Flowe | May 12, 2009 7:44 PM

These guys are all doing good to answer part of your question, but each one is just a color in a rainbow. I would start by evaluating all the answers you get and see which of them really 'ring' with you. Another thing to keep in mind is that there are two kinds of slumps 1. is cyclic and happens as part of the ups and downs of everyday life. It doesn't mean you're crazy or bipolar or anything by itself, it just means you're in a rough spot. 2. is a reactive slump. Did you have a breakup, lose a job or feel like you failed at something that was important to you? The strange thing about these two things is that they access the same pathways in the brain and can be solved with a very similar attack.

Let's take a look at the most basic and powerful forces in a life (sex, drugs and rock and roll? no.) and really get a feel for what's going on.

The first thing to do is take care of yourself. This involves a mix of diet and exercise. While most people retreat in a slump, you should make the most of it, that's what they are for (seriously) Look at your diet. Kick all the bad habits you've had for a while. Cut out junk food first and foremost and work your way towards hummus and grains from there (you can stop whenever you're happy with your progress). The other part of this is exercise. Find something you can do with a friend at varied levels. Racquetball, cycling and tennis are some of the first things to mind. They are fun and will get you moving. Play until you're exhausted, but don't kill yourself.

Next is to get some things in your life back together. Do things with old friends. Call them, they will be happy to hear from you. Kick it, do nothing, play video games or go to bars. It doesn't matter, just surround yourself with people that like to be around you. Join a professional group and talk about whatever you do. Go outside. I find that when I need to unwind having a drink at a bar and meeting new people is one of the best ways.

I doubt your slump was started by either of those two things, but getting them straight will get you walking tall right back out. Now you need to start being severely honest with yourself. If you're out of your parents house and don't have someone there to fuss when you're doing something wrong it can be hard to face it, but it is the easiest way to deal with nearly anything.

What is it? Money or Girls? I bet if I farmed coconuts all day and had never seen a woman I would be the most blissfully ignorant creature on this green planet. This isn't the case. I'm in the rat race just like everybody else here so I deal with it.

No girl is worth you sanity, and sheer audacity will likely get you out of money trouble. Negotiate your debts and find a new girlfriend, you'll be fine.

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